51 days of living alone

On Valentine's Day 2026 I picked up the keys to my 1 bedroom unfurnished rental apartment.

What an incredible and weird coincidence...to move alone on exactly this date!

I took it as a cosmic sign that this year is the one when I finally choose myself, start to take care of myself, and offer me: love, care, happiness, joy... all from the small hilly town I now live in.

These 51 days have been an emotional roller coaster. I felt:

• relieved that I am by myself

• sad that I am by myself and...it's so quiet and...no one is there anymore

• sad that he is not here anymore

• happy that I furnished and decorated the apartment with exactly what I wanted

• unhappy about some furniture choices and that the living room could not have the furniture in the setting I had initially in mind

• ok, in the end, with how the living room looks like now

• hopeful that I can work on my own things and focus on finding a new job, growing this website and a community, while developing other ideas that I have

• regret that I left and thought "maybe I should have waited a little while longer"

• happy that I did this move

• then sad again in less than 24H because I was lonely and

• unloved until I felt

• content with this new living arrangement until I felt

• unhappy with the apartment which is humid and cold and had electric heaters which is something I avoided (even refused to apply to visit apartments which were better just because of their electric heaters), while on the visiting day I was so in awe with the property that it was an immediate "YES" without checking if it has gas (I've got a literal walk-in closet; I can go inside and not bang my head on the clothing rack and shelves)

• frustrated that I have just moved, bought all this furniture, and now I don't like this and I want to move again

• surprized to now see fully furnished apartments including at similar prices as this one while I had to BUY EVERYTHING because all there was were unfurnished properties

• frustrated that letting agents don't allow you to visit a property after finishing work and only set visits within 1 hour at odd times in a random working day

• settled and with what I thought was my final decision about my living arrangements: living here until at least winter and help myself, in this way, save some money which otherwise, in more expensive properties I would not be able to do until I

• decided to live in Edinburgh or very close to it and now I am working on making this possible and am back to square one and searching for other apartments

Living by myself after not having lived alone once in my life is weird. From my parents' house I went to Uni and spent the first year in one of the University's campuses sharing a room with 3 other girls (horrible time!), then I spent the next 2 years in a private student accommodation (not as bad as the first one), then with him until 51 days ago.

I know I will be better...I must be better: I owe it to myself to be better.

I keep telling myself that the power is within me and that only I can do something that will bring me a better, brighter future.